Chapter 1; When God Lost Me


All of us come to the gods in our own way and in our own time. Mine was a strange way indeed, but until you spell it out for others you don’t know for sure that it was so uncommon.

So listen up all of you generation X heathens to see if we share any moments in our pasts.

Probably all started with Dungeons & Dragons. Yes 80’s newscaster you were right it was a gateway drug straight to Satan apparently.


I was 10, I loved it. I never really played the right way. I just loved reading over the manuals and modules. I was a great DM, but my peers were dolts so I mostly just created empires by myself.

Deities and Demigods was the first real look at the Gods and Goddesses of everyone outside of the Big 3 (Christianity, Judaism, Islam). All of this is just pretend and beefing up on my future Jeopardy answers until age 12.

After my parent’s divorce, I had to move and remember spending large amounts of time under the stairs in a small dark place lighting a candle and staring at the flames. Down a primordial path I was slinking, but still in a childish way.

At 13 I was waiting on the porch for my ride to a little league baseball game. I did not want to strike out again. I has asked God to cancel a game before, no answer. This time was different because I asked different gods. Older gods, Norse gods. The clouds rolled in, the rain poured down and I never had to play that game. A seed was planted that day.

I was raised lapse Presbyterian. I remember some songs from bible school on Sundays, but I was never drawn to Jesus. As a shitty teenager I was bothered by the notion that I was a ‘wretch’ who needed to be saved.

My politics went so far right in college as to bring me in contact with both Christian Identity and Norse pagan as fringe accessories to the politics of National Socialism. One of my brothers was a full blown authority on Norse Pagansim and I never looked back.

I can still walk down the halls of his apartment, incense burning, Christmas lights lining the ceilings. Drawings of gods on the walls, lore concocted for ourselves, writing poetry. Rituals planned out and carried out as devotions to the gods. Publicly teaching those who were interested. Taking a Germanic Myths, Legends, and Sagas class in college with 2 other friends and ended up instructing the class a time or two.

By the time I was through law school, it was the religion that stuck. I made my serious altar around the same time I had my first child. Prior to that I ‘worked’ a candle with 4 runes over the course of a calendar year. It took me six years solid to cover all the runes.

Before my first child turned 9, I codified my beliefs into a system of rituals and lessons so as to teach him and his younger brother when they were ‘of age’.

I plan on slowly releasing this set of rituals and lessons to you over time if you are interested.


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